You and What Army

OVERHEARD: BYE-EEE!

THE PLACE: In front of Joe's Pizza in Greenwich Village
THE PLAYERS: Guy #1 and Guy #2

Guy #1: So I call her up and I go, "What are you doing tonight?" And she goes, [sing-song voice] "Oh, I'm knitting and watching Sex and the City…"
Guy #2: And you're like, bye-eeee!
Guy #1: Exactly.

OVERHEARD: NO PUSSY BLUES

THE PLACE: Madison Square Garden
THE PLAYERS: Nick Cave and a heckler

NICK CAVE: This song is called "No Pussy Blues."
HECKLER: "WELL, YOU'RE UGLY — WHAT ELSE WOULD IT BE CALLED?"

OVERHEARD: NO CHOICE BUT RED BULL

THE PLACE: The sidewalk in front of the lesbian bar Henrietta Hudson's on Hudson Street
THE PLAYER: A tattooed woman in a t-shirt stood, clasping a can of Red Bull and talking into a cellphone

TATTOOED WOMAN: "It tastes like a man's sweaty ass. But I have no choice."

OVERHEARD: ONE OF THE GREAT THINGS ABOUT THE BAND BEIRUT

THE PLACE: The Northsix club in Williamsburg
THE BAND: Beirut
THE PLAYERS: A guy and his date

GUY: "One of the great things about this band is their songs are usually pretty short, so even if they're bad they don't last that long."

OVERHEARD: HELPFUL DIRECTIONS

THE PLACE: The lobby of 100 Park Avenue
THE PLAYERS: An Hispanic messenger and the guard at the security desk

MESSENGER: "Fifteen floor?"
GUARD: "Next one on the left. [Adds, helpfully] "El next one on the lefto."

OVERHEARD: FUZZY CARDIGAN

THE PLACE: A midtown photo studio
THE PLAYERS: a photographer and me, wearing my favorite fuzzy black cardigan.

PHOTOGRAPHER: "You know what I call that kind of sweater? That's a Kurt Cobain sweater!"
ME: "Ha, you're right!"

OVERHEARD: A SCREAMER

THE PLACE: The #1 train leaving Times Square
THE PLAYERS: A normal-looking 40-ish guy and a normal-looking 30-ish woman

GUY: So he's a screamer, right?
WOMAN: Yes.
GUY: Then I'd slap him.

OVERHEARD: REAL FUN

THE PLACE: 41st Street between Madison and Park
THE PLAYER: A burly, buzz-cut young guy in a loud print shirt, talking intently into a cellphone earpiece

BUZZ-CUT GUY: "It was real. And it was fun. But it wasn't real fun."

OVERHEARD: YOU ARE THE MAN!

THE PLACE: Madison Avenue and 40th Street
THE PLAYER: A middle-aged businessman-type talking into his cellphone

MIDDLE-AGED BUSINESSMAN-TYPE: "You are the man! [lowers voice] But I liked it better when you were the woman. And I really mean that."

OVERHEARD: STARTING WITH PARENTHESES

THE PLACE: Battery Park City
THE TIME: Mid-afternoon on a grey November day
THE PLAYER: A middle-aged man with oversized white sunglasses and pink hair, pushing an empty baby stroller.

MAN: "I don't think you can start with parentheses. Don't do weird things."