"Maggie May" TRANSLATED

    Arise, Maggie, because we have something to discuss: it's nearly October and I ought to resume my studies.  Also, although I know you find me entertaining, I have the distinct impression that you're taking advantage of me.
    Oh, Maggie, I've pursued every available option.  You only lured me from my residence so you could relieve your lack of companionship.  You have captivated me romantically, and I find that emotionally painful.
    The light at dawn accentuates the wrinkles on your face but that doesn't concern me whatsoever; in my estimation, you are the most important thing in my life.
    I consistently appreciated your humor.  You effortlessly incited my romantic feelings.  Like I said earlier, Maggie, I've pursued every available option.  To reiterate: you only lured me from my residence so you could relieve your lack of companionship, you have captivated me romantically, and I find that emotionally painful.
    All I really required was a platonic relationship that would provide some stability and direction in my life.  But you added an erotic component, although I must concede that your sexual prowess is very considerable, your libido so prodigious that satisfying it is physically exhausting.
    Your foremost accomplishment was disheveling my sheets and blankets and then, early the following day, striking my cranium with your foot.  As previously stated twice now: Maggie, I've pursued every available option, you only lured me from my residence so you could relieve your lack of companionship, you have captivated me romantically, and — here's something else I have to admit — I find myself unable to forsake your company.
    I do still have the option of retrieving my textbooks and returning to academia.  Or I could make off with my father's pool stick and become a professional billiards player.  Another possibility would be to ally myself with a rock group that requires some sort of assistance.
    Oh, Maggie, I deeply regret making your acquaintance.  You have caused me to behave very stupidly but, as stupid people so often are, I'm thoroughly oblivious.  You have captivated me romantically, and I find myself besotted.
    As I said, Maggie, I deeply regret making your acquaintance.  I vow that I will eventually return to my place of residence.  Ooh, hoo, hoo.