"You Don't Mess Around with Jim" TRANSLATED

    There are petty swindlers at the northern end of the city and there are unhoused persons on the Bowery.  On 42nd Street, one can find an imposing gentleman named James Walker, who is quite good at billiards.  Although he is a hulking and deeply unintelligent fellow, he possesses great physical strength.  Accordingly, when criminals gather in the evening, they deferentially refer to him as "Boss."
    Just as it is inadvisable to clutch at Superman's mantle, expectorate windward, or remove the Lone Ranger's facial covering, one ought not quarrel with James.
    One day, a fellow from a rural area of southern Alabama announced, "I seek a gentleman named James.  My name is William McCoy, although my intimates have assigned me the cognomen of 'Slim,' and I play billiards.  I seek the monarch of 42nd Street, who drives a Cadillac convertible.  Several days ago, he relieved me of my entire net worth and now I endeavor to retrieve it."  Whereupon all assembled admonished him thusly:
    "Sir, just as it is inadvisable to clutch at Superman's mantle, expectorate windward, or remove the Lone Ranger's facial covering, one ought not quarrel with James."
    Suddenly, the billiard parlor went silent as James strode in.  There commenced an altercation, and at its conclusion, James was completely covered in his own gore, save the undersides of his feet.  He suffered approximately five score lacerations as well as two bullet wounds.  No sooner had James collapsed when the assembled witnesses revised their wisdom thusly:
    "Just as it is inadvisable to clutch at Superman's mantle, expectorate windward, or remove the mask from the Lone Ranger's face, one ought not quarrel with Slim."
    Indeed, that hulking fellow James possessed a fedora.  He discovered that it's unwise to swindle individuals with whom one is unfamiliar, notwithstanding the fact that one may possess a bespoke bipartite billiards stick.
    And so, in closing, allow me to reiterate: just as it is inadvisable to clutch at Superman's mantle, expectorate windward, or remove the Lone Ranger's facial covering, one ought not quarrel with Slim.