You and What Army

"Black Magic Woman" TRANSLATED

    I have a Satanist lady friend.  I have a Satanist lady friend.  I have a Satanist lady friend who has impaired my vision to such an extent that I am unable to discern that she is a Satanist.  She is attempting to turn me into an evil spirit.
    Do not ignore me, dear.  Do not ignore me, dear.  Indeed, do not ignore me, dear.  Cease your dabbling in your wiles.  Do not ignore me, dear — you risk taking possession of my enchanted twigs.
    You have bewitched me, dear.  You have bewitched me, dear.  Indeed, you have bewitched me, dear, and you are petrifying the hollow muscular organ that pumps blood through my circulatory system.  I yearn for you deeply, my Satanist lady friend.  I'm incapable of abandoning you.

"Me and Bobby McGee" TRANSLATED

    I was in Baton Rouge, I was destitute and I was anticipating the arrival of a locomotive.  My morale was nearly as threadbare as my denims.  Then I found myself hitchhiking with a fellow named Robert.  Fortunately, a trucker picked us up not long before it began to pour.  We stayed for the entire hour-and-a-half-or-so ride southeast to New Orleans.  Along the way, I retrieved my harmonica from my filthy red handkerchief and played at low volume while Bobby vocalized on various blues songs; the windshield wipers functioned as a metronome.  Throughout, I held Robert's hand.  Remarkably, we were able to play every song that the truck driver requested.
    Self-autonomy is a euphemism for being completely bereft.  Materialism is meaningless.  I felt an effortless sense of wellbeing when Robert McGee sang twelve-bar songs with a I-IV-V chord sequence, and a sense of wellbeing was all I required, as it was for Robert.
    For the duration of our journey from a bituminous coal extraction facility in Kentucky to the Golden State, with its abundant solar radiation, I vouchsafed all my personal intimacies with Bobby.  Through the full gamut of meteorological conditions, as well as during our various activities, he protected me from hypothermia.  Unfortunately, I erred badly at one point and we parted ways in the vicinity of Salinas.  Robert seeks domestic tranquility and, while it is my most fervent wish that he attains it, I would nonetheless gladly exchange my entire future existence for even one day of closely embracing him.
    Self-autonomy is a euphemism for being completely bereft.  Which is just as well since Robert didn't leave me with anything whatsoever.  I felt an effortless sense of wellbeing when Robert McGee sang twelve-bar songs with a I-IV-V chord sequence, and a sense of wellbeing was all I required, as it was for Robert.
    La da da la da da da, la da da da da da da.
    La da da la la la la na Robert McGee yes.
    La da la da la da, la na na na da.
    La la la la la Robert McGee yes.
    La da da la la la la la la la la la, la na na la na na la na.
    Hey now, Robert, hey now, Robert McGee yes.
    Lo la lo la la lo la la.
    Lo la la lo la la lo la la lo la la lo la la.
    Hey, and a Robert, lo, no Robert McGee, yes.
    Oh heavenly father, I deemed him my sexual partner, I deemed him my beau.
    I say once again: I deemed him my sexual partner, I tried my utmost, come on.
    And a Robert no, and a Robert McGee yes.
    Lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo.
    Hey, hey, hey, Robert McGee, la.

"Truckin'" TRANSLATED

    I'm traveling, having pocketed some financial rewards to which I was due.  I travel like the do-dah man, whatever that means, and in general accordance with societal norms.
    I see very little practical difference between the illuminated public signage of small towns and that of, for example, Chicago, New York or Detroit.  They're all conventional urban centers predicated on conventional fantasies.  In my view, the people who live there would be well advised to abandon those fantasies and see what happens.
    Dallas has what I euphemistically call a "soft machine."  Despite being over 300 miles away, Houston is in uncomfortable proximity to New Orleans.  New York City has tremendous financial influence but is inimical to personal freedom.
    You will encounter many people who expound about "true love" but in reality they're probably spending the majority of their time in the same place and being unhappy.  They're all too aware that they should get out into the world and find themselves.
    Yes, I am traveling in the manner of the aforementioned "do-dah man," who once advised me that you cannot win if you do not play.
    Now and then, I have moments of almost overwhelming clarity.  Then there are periods when I don't know what to do at all.  I recently realized that my life has been a lengthy and bizarre journey.
    I can only speculate about what happened to Jane, who is a very nice person.  These days, she is listless and subsists on Seconal, ascorbic acid and blow.  My friend feels only pity for her.
    Now I'm traveling to Buffalo, New York.  I've come to the conclusion that one shouldn't be in a rush to slow down, which makes total sense when you think about it.  A great deal of deliberation should go into choosing a destination and continuing to travel.
    From my chair, I look out the window of my hotel room, awaiting an imminent police raid.  I would have preferred to get some rest before hitting the road again but there is nothing I can do to forestall a judicially sanctioned search of my person and belongings.
    I was just arrested in the French Quarter of New Orleans.  Someone ratted on me.  I'm getting really tired of being persecuted.  The authorities are intent on harassing me.
    When one stays in one place, one gets wanderlust; on the other hand, being on the move all the time will inevitably prompt an urge to settle down.  But there's no harm in getting out there and seeing what there is to see.
    Now I'm traveling back home, where I'm most comfortable, if I'm being honest.  There, I'll recuperate for a while — and then I'll go back on the road.

"Baba O'Riley" TRANSLATED

    Here on the farm, I rely on my agricultural skills to obtain sustenance; I toil strenuously.  It is unnecessary for me to come to blows in order to establish my rectitude, nor do I require any absolution.  Yes, yes, yes, yes.
    Do not weep or cringe: it is merely a devastated tract of land populated by adolescents.
    Let us conjoin our palms, Sally, and traverse the countryside in a southerly direction.  Extinguish the campfire and follow my lead unquestioningly.  Everyone is beginning to leave and we are in the vicinity of joyful individuals.  We ought to commune ere we age any further.
    A devastated tract of land populated by adolescents, it is merely a devastated tract of land populated by adolescents.
    A devastated tract of land populated by adolescents, indeed.
    A devastated tract of land populated by adolescents.
    And each of them is highly intoxicated.

"Band on the Run" TRANSLATED

    I am permanently imprisoned in this room and will never again encounter kindly people such as you, Mother.  You, Mother.  You.
    In the event that I should escape I have considered bequeathing my estate to an organization set up to provide help, and raise money, for those in need.  I merely require sixteen ounces of beer a day.  In the event that I should escape.  In the event that we should escape.
    The downpour detonated resoundingly as our party tumbled into the fiery center of our solar system.  One of our party remarked to another, "I trust you are quite amused by this."
    Fugitive rock group.  Fugitive rock group.  The turnkey and Seafaring Samuel were both frisking all and sundry for the fugitive rock group.  Fugitive rock group.  For the fugitive rock group.  Fugitive rock group.
    The mortician groaned because attendance was quite meager.  Meanwhile, the carillon in the town center was chiming for the fugitive bunnies.
    At dusk, the barren landscape started to calm.  The authorities are looking all over the city for us but they will never succeed in their mission.
    Fugitive rock group, fugitive rock group.  The vengeful provincial magistrate will eternally seek the fugitive rock group.  The fugitive rock group.  The fugitive rock group.  Fugitive rock group.

"The Joker" TRANSLATED

    There are those who identify me as the Interstellar Gaucho.  Others identify me as the Amorous Racketeer.  Still others, in view of the fact that I address the magnificence of love, refer to me as Maurice.
    My dear, there are those who gossip about me and claim that I am unfaithful to you, unfaithful to you.  Well, fear not, my dear, fear not: for I am now in this place, in this place, in this place, in this place, i.e., our shared living space.
    I play stringed instruments, I smile, I am a partner in a sexual or romantic relationship, and I transgress religious codes of behavior.  I perform my musical compositions al fresco.  I am a humorous person, I enjoy cigarettes and, very late in the evening, I consume marijuana.  I am an avowed pacifist.
    In case you missed it the first time: I play stringed instruments, I smile, I am a partner in a sexual or romantic relationship, and I transgress religious codes of behavior.  I perform my musical compositions al fresco.  I am a humorous person, I enjoy cigarettes and, very late in the evening, I consume marijuana.  In addition, I perform sexual acts while in transit.
    Whoo.  Whoo.
    You are the most attractive person I have ever met.  I very much enjoy your stone fruits and would like to cause your tree to quiver.  Constantly affectionate, affectionate, affectionate, oh, my dear, I will ensure that you are highly entertained.

"Beast of Burden" TRANSLATED

    I shan't be your mule.  I have a broad, muscular torso but at present it is in pain.  The only item on my personal agenda is to have sexual intercourse with you.
    I shan't be your mule.  I have trekked a great distance and as a result have developed painful arches.  To reiterate: the only item on my personal agenda is to have sexual intercourse with you.
    Am I sufficiently rigid?  Am I sufficiently coarse?  Am I sufficiently wealthy?  I am not completely visually impaired.
    I shan't be your mule.  Let's return to our residence and close the drapes.  There are tunes playing on the wireless.  Please have sexual intercourse with me.
    Oh, my diminutive close female associate.  Fetching, fetching, fetching, fetching young women.  You're a fetching, fetching, fetching, fetching, fetching, fetching young woman.  Fetching, fetching, such a fetching, fetching, fetching young woman.  Oh, my sweet, I beg of you, I beg of you.
    I will say this: I would gladly have you evict me, and evict me even if I were unshod, if you would also evict me from my despair.  I can siphon off your illness.  Or just pelt me with it and I will deflect it handily.  However, I am dumbfounded as regards your continued insistence that I am not the type of gentleman whom you find attractive.

"Paranoid" TRANSLATED

    I broke up with my girlfriend because our relationship didn't improve my mental health.  Everyone believes that I'm deranged because I never smile.
    I have thoughts constantly and yet the ideas I come up with are never worthwhile.  I may become mentally ill if I don't find something that will calm me.
    Are you capable of assisting me in establishing agency over my emotional state?  Oh yes.
    I seek an individual who can reveal aspects of existence that I'm unable to locate.  I'm incapable of discerning what will lift my spirits.  Surely, I am visually impaired, metaphorically speaking.
    If you jest, I will express my melancholy by emitting a long, audible exhalation.  If you chuckle, I will weep.  I am incapable of experiencing good cheer.  It is inconceivable that I could ever feel deep affection for someone.
    Thus, as you listen to this song detailing my psychological condition, I advise you to embrace joie de vivre.  Would that I were able to do the same; unfortunately, the opportunity for that has passed.

"Hotel California" TRANSLATED

    One night, I was driving on an expressway through a barren landscape where little precipitation occurs; nonetheless, I noted the distinctive odor of marijuana plants.  I saw an illuminated sign down the road.  I had become quite fatigued and my vision was starting to fail, so I pulled in there.
    A woman was standing on the threshhold.  The local church carillon sounded.  Inwardly, I thought, "This could be really great — or really bad."  The woman lit a candle and escorted me in.  I'm pretty sure I heard some people down the hall say, "Welcome to the Hotel California — these are fine accommodations, this is an attractive appearance.  There are many vacancies.  Whatever you're looking for, it's here, and in every season."
    Her sensibilities have been corrupted by materialism.  She claims that her relationships with the many extraordinarily good-looking young men in her milieu are purely platonic.  They dance on the veranda, exuding a quality of sweat that is unique to summertime; some of them dance for nostalgic reasons, some to blot out the past.
    I summoned the steward and said, "Kindly fetch some wine."  He replied, "We haven't hosted anyone with that sensibility since the late '60s."  To this day, I can detect those voices from a great distance, rousing me from deep sleep so they can announce, "Welcome to the Hotel California, these are fine accommodations, this is an attractive appearance.  They are living the high life at the Hotel California.  What a pleasantly unexpected event.  Be ready with credible evidence that you were elsewhere when a criminal act took place."
    Beneath overhead looking glasses, with sparkling rosé on the rocks, she declared, "We've all imprisoned ourselves here."  They assemble for a grand repast in the private quarters of the head of the household.  They impale the monster with blades made of iron-carbon alloy and yet they're unable to slay it.
    My final recollection is dashing for the exit, trying find my way home, when the night watchman said, "Calm down, it's in everybody's nature to acquire material goods.  You can settle your hotel bill but they won't allow you out of the building."

"Purple Haze" TRANSLATED

    Recently, a lavender fog thoroughly permeated my cerebral matter, with the result that my everyday reality has undergone a dramatic metamorphosis.  Accordingly, I'm unable to grasp why my behavior has become quite curious.  Pardon me, I must interrupt this exchange to osculate with the stratosphere.
    This lavender fog is quite pervasive: I'm unclear as to whether I'm ascending or descending, and whether I'm in high spirits or low.  Regardless, I believe that a certain young lady has bewitched me.  Please assist me!  Please assist me!  Oh no, no!
    Yes, the aforementioned lavender fog has clouded my vision to such an extent that I'm unable to distinguish between the nocturnal and the diurnal.  You are causing me to undergo a massive reconsideration of reality.  Is it the day after today or merely the apocalypse?
    No, please assist me!
    No, yes, lavender fog.
    Oh no, no.
    Oh, please assist me!
    Explain to me the nature of this phenomenon, explain to me the nature of this phenomenon.
    I cannot persevere under these conditions.
    You compel me to undergo a massive reconsideration of reality.
    No, no, no.
    No, no, the lavender fog.